What did you love doing in your childhood that you don’t let your own kids do now?
One organisation calling for childhood independence - ‘Let Grow’ - asks this interesting question, which makes us reflect on what’s happened in our culture in just one generation.
I grew up in two families. My parents were divorced and we became two very different family cultures. My mum and step-dad had their own business and worked very hard, so we three kids would come home from school and watch Gilligan’s Island and Hogan’s Heroes and I Dream of Jeannie (I can still sing you the theme songs) until I cooked dinner before they arrived home.
At my Dad’s house, we were the Brady Bunch. Our step-siblings made us three sets of twins and we would run wild around the neighbourhood until it was dark. We’d explore and make up complicated games and we made fabulous and lasting memories.
During lockdown recently, all the young families in my street gathered late every afternoon out on their street-fronts with picnic chairs and chattered across the road or the driveway as the kids rode their bicycles in circuits from house to house. These gatherings grew and grew as more families came to join the Covid-safe fun. Now they are all back in their respective houses and the street is sadly silent again.
What effect is our current focus on individual safety having on our kids? Sara Zaske, author of ‘Achtung Baby: An American Mom on the German Art of Raising Self-Reliant Children’ says that we’ve created a culture of control:
“In the name of safety and academic achievement, we have stripped kids of fundamental rights and freedoms: the freedom to move, to be alone for even a few minutes, to take risks, to play, to think for themselves.”
Rebecca Schuman reflects on the book and notes that the problem is culture-wide: ‘from the “hours of homework” to the “intense” focus on competitive sports and extracurriculars; it’s also the “exaggerated media that makes it seem like a child can be abducted by a stranger at any time,” though stranger kidnappings in the United States are actually exceedingly rare.’ (A child is more likely to get struck by lightning than abducted by a stranger).
Kids are moving less, malnutrition through obesity is a bigger issue than starvation in the world today, and we are all struggling with the distracted focus that comes from spending lots of time on screens and devices. Research quoted in Johann Hari’s book ‘Stolen Focus’ says our kids are spending their time on homework (which has dramatically increased in a generation), screens and shopping. Yet research shows that one key to improving our attention is exercise.
Free play – kids, just, running around - has been shown to increase creativity and imagination – crucial elements of future problem-solving ability. Play with other kids builds social bonds and grows interpersonal skills. For example, fighting with siblings is actually early conflict resolution training in a safe environment! Play also brings the joy of being alive and mindfully in the present – the beginning of ‘flow’. If we don’t give our kids space to play with the belief that they are capable, then we risk the anxiety that comes with the thought: “my parents don’t believe I can do it so I’d better not try”.
What did you love doing in your childhood that you don’t let your kids do now? Often the answer is a startling one. As we’ve seen, the impacts of restriction are large. Change can start simple and slow. Want some more ideas on how to step back so your kids can step up? Check out Let Grow, and join our group chat to meet other like-minded parents and teachers.
Kids rise to the level of our expectations and self-esteem comes from trying something hard and mastering it. This is why I like Secret Ninja School... we’re helping kids master movement skills in an environment of play and creative imagination. We’re in it together – the kids are helping with the adventures, feeling part of a team and immersed in the story. Movement + imagination = good for childhood -> great for society!
Susy Lee
Author of ‘Raising Kids Who Care’, also known to SNS kids as The Grand Groover!
